The Snug Little Island

As we approach St George’s Day a splendid piece of patriotic verse suggested by Zack Stiling to enjoy by English dramatist and songwriter Thomas Dibdin, called The Snug Little Island.

Daddy Neptune, one day, to Freedom did say,
   “If ever I lived upon dry land,
The spot I should hit on would be little Britain!”
   Says Freedom, “Why that’s my own little Island!”
     O, it’s a snug little Island!
       A right little, tight little Island!
     Search the globe round, none can be found!
       So happy as this little Island.

Julius Caesar the Roman, who yielded to no man,
   Came by water—he couldn’t come by land;
And Dane, Pict and Saxon, their homes turned their backs on
   And all for the sake of our Island.
     O, what a snug little Island!
       They’d all have a touch at the Island!
     Some were shot dead, some of them fled,
       And some stayed to live on the Island.

Then a very great war-man, called Billy the Norman,
   Cried, “Damn it, I never liked my land.
It would be much more handy to leave this Normandy,
   And live on your beautiful Island.”
     Says he, “‘Tis a snug little Island;
       Shan’t we go visit the Island?”
     Hop, skip and jump, there he was plump,
       And he kick’d up a dust in the Island.

But party deceit helped the Normans to beat;
   Of traitors they managed to buy land;
By Dane, Saxon or Pict, Britons ne’er had been lick’d,
   Had they stuck to the King of their Island.
     Poor Harold the King of the Island!
       He lost both his life and the Island.
     That’s all very true: what more could he do?
       Like a Briton he died for his Island.

The Spanish Armada set out to invade-a,
   ‘Twill sure if they ever come nigh land.
They couldn’t do less than tuck up Queen Bess,
   And take their full swing on the Island.
     O, the poor Queen of the Island!
       The Dons came to plunder the Island.
     But snug in her hive, the Queen was alive,
       And “buzz” was the word in the Island.

Those proud puff’d-up cakes thought to make ducks and drakes
   Of our wealth; but they hardly could spy land
When our Drake had the luck to make their pride duck
   And stoop to the lads of the Island!
     Huzza for the lads of the Island!
       The good wooden walls of the Island;
     Devil or Don, let them come on,
       But see how they’d come at the Island.

Since Freedom and Neptune have hitherto kept tune,
   In each saying, “This shall be my land”;
Should the “Army of England,” or all it could bring, land,
   We’d show ’em some play for the Island.
     We’d fight for our right to the Island.
       We’d give them enough of the Island;
     Invaders should just—bite at the dust,
       But not a bit more of the Island.

A bonus verse called Reasons for Drinking by Henry Aldrich.  If you enjoy, or just want to know more,  come along and join us for our Third Wednesday drinks.

If all be true that I do think,
There are five reasons why we should drink;
Good wine—a friend—or being dry—
Or lest we should be by and by—
Or any other reason why.

The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder

A satirical invective against early republicans, written by a Prime Minister-to-be, and suggested by Zack Stiling, which could easily be discharged against certain modern political speakers.

Published in “The Anti-Jacobin, or, Weekly Examiner was an English newspaper founded by George Canning in 1797 and devoted to opposing the radicalism of the French Revolution. It lasted only a year, but was considered highly influential” (From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Jacobin)

“This satirical poem contrasts two perspectives: a radical who espouses the ideals of the French Revolution and a pragmatic working-class individual. The speaker’s initial sympathy for the knife-grinder’s plight turns into contempt when he refuses to align with revolutionary sentiments.” (From https://allpoetry.com/The-Friend-Of-Humanity,-And-The-Knife-Grinder)

George Canning (1770-1827) & John Hookham Frere (1769-1846)

FRIEND OF HUMANITY:
Needy Knife-grinder! whither are you going?
Rough is the road, your wheel is out of order—
Bleak blows the blast;—your hat has got a hole in’t,
     So have your breeches.

Weary Knife-grinder! little think the proud ones
Who in their coaches roll along the turnpike-
road, what hard work ’tis crying all day, “Knives and
     Scissors to grind O!”

Tell me, Knife-grinder, how you came to grind knives:
Did some rich man tyrannically use you?
Was it the ‘Squire? or Parson of the Parish?
     Or the Attorney?

Was it the ‘Squire, for killing of his game? or
Covetous Parson, for his tithes distraining?
Or roguish Lawyer, made you lose your little
     All in a lawsuit?

(Have you not read the Rights of Man, by Tom Paine?)
Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids,
Ready to fall, as soon as you have told your
     Pitiful story.

KNIFE-GRINDER:
Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, Sir,
Only last night a-drinking at the “Chequers,”
This poor old hat and breeches, as you see, were
     Torn in a scuffle.

Constables came up for to take me into
Custody; they took me before the justice;
Justice Oldmixon put me in the parish-
     stocks for a vagrant.

I should be glad to drink your Honour’s health in
A Pot of Beer, if you will give me Sixpence;
But for my part, I never love to meddle
     With politics, Sir.

FRIEND OF HUMANITY:
I give thee Sixpence! I will see thee damned first—
Wretch! whom no sense of wrongs can rouse to vengeance—
Sordid, unfeeling, reprobate, degraded,
     Spiritless outcast!

Kicks the Knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit in a transport of Republican Enthusiasm and Universal Philanthropy.